I gotta be honest, I love spin. Truly. I was proper hacked off with work today and, in a foul mood when I got there.
Now, whilst Amber is a total nutter and clinically insane on a spin bike, she is a really lovely cheery girl so, despite the fact I know I'm going to drown in my own sweat during her class, she does make everyone smile. Fortunately, she did not come in the studio quick enough to catch me and Nikki swapping Nik's bike as she had the spastic bike that the seat will not stay up on. It's great, you're halfway through a sprint, pounding the crap out of the pedals and your seat drops to the lowest setting and you break your teeth on the handlebars. Hell no.
So class begins and probably not even 10mins in and I am sweating like a biatch as we are just out of range of the air con again. I mean, I could feel the air con on my right hand so that wasn't sweaty...... there is nothing more disturbing than looking down and seeing drops of your own sweat on the floor by the bike. We have decided we need bath sheets rather than hand towels in future. Searching for the dry spot on your towel after 45 mins of spin is like finding rocking horse crap.
So we come to the stretches at the end and have to crank our legs up to the crossbar of the bike. Now, the bikes are pretty close together as class was full which, apparently, left Nikki in perfect range to kick me up the arse. Of course, I turned round and slapped her foot and Amber busted us. She said she's putting us in the naughty corner next week and did that whole mother thing ' I'm still watching you!' for the rest of the stretch.
Bring on the naughty corner. I'm at home there.
Tuesday, 29 January 2013
Monday, 28 January 2013
Grumpy B****
Today I feel grumpy. Discontent with life in general and bored out of my box. I think I might agree with my dear friend The Whingeing Walker and put it down to lack of endorphins. Also, I would imagine, lack of chocolate but, that is the main contributor to the `fat` part of fat joggers. Unfortunately there is way more of the fat than there is of the jogger at the moment.
Still, it was spin tonight and that always makes me feel better. However tonight, we were placed slightly out of the air con range which resulted in both of us dripping like snow under a Sun lamp with sweat in Adams class. That state of affairs is normal for Ambers class as she's a crazy person but not with Adam. Oh well, a few more pounds lost through sweat can't be a bad thing!
Now I'm home and had my healthy spinach and ricotta pasta tea. Great. Except I followed it with a scotch pancake and syrup, some smoky bbq pretzels and some dairy milk. I'm not sure I could have made spin more pointless if I tried.
I'm really ready for it to be spring now so I can get back out in the garden and watch my lovely flowers grow and also I won't spend my evenings sitting on my arse eating as it's so shitty outside.
I'm bored of bad weather. I'm bored of my job. I'm bored of being surrounded by well behaved people. I have pent up deviant energy to release! Must jog more! Keeps me out of trouble.......
Still, it was spin tonight and that always makes me feel better. However tonight, we were placed slightly out of the air con range which resulted in both of us dripping like snow under a Sun lamp with sweat in Adams class. That state of affairs is normal for Ambers class as she's a crazy person but not with Adam. Oh well, a few more pounds lost through sweat can't be a bad thing!
Now I'm home and had my healthy spinach and ricotta pasta tea. Great. Except I followed it with a scotch pancake and syrup, some smoky bbq pretzels and some dairy milk. I'm not sure I could have made spin more pointless if I tried.
I'm really ready for it to be spring now so I can get back out in the garden and watch my lovely flowers grow and also I won't spend my evenings sitting on my arse eating as it's so shitty outside.
I'm bored of bad weather. I'm bored of my job. I'm bored of being surrounded by well behaved people. I have pent up deviant energy to release! Must jog more! Keeps me out of trouble.......
Saturday, 26 January 2013
A Bad Day
Well, today has been an epic fail. Open day at work, waste of time, had next to nobody in so we all just stood around like lemons while the morning dragged like a seals arse. At some point during the morning I managed to break myself quite spectacularly, to the point I was struggling to breathe without severe pain across the top of my back. Fortunately I have an exceptional friend who is not only a masseuse but also does lots of other alternative therapies so, I decided I'd better get to her a bit sharpish before it all completely seized. Sadly in the process of getting to her, I inadvertently stood somebody up, which I feel really bad about but, I had text, it just never got through. Guilt muchly.
Anyway, I arrive at my lovely friends house to have my back trigger point therapied (which hurts like hell can I just say) to find her having some deep and meaningful moment because she'd met some psychotherapist and needed to download the whole experience. Then she proceeded to bring me to my knees one minute then make me climb the walls next with sheer pain but it's already made a difference. It's supposed to be 48hrs to take full effect and apparently I'm supposed to rest at all costs for those 48hrs as I'm such a mess inside my shoulder blades. Joy. Like that's going to happen, I don't have time to rest!
So, no run today. I was hoping to take the bike out earlier but everything hurt too much so that pissed me off too! It's gonna be a sulky evening!!
Anyway, I arrive at my lovely friends house to have my back trigger point therapied (which hurts like hell can I just say) to find her having some deep and meaningful moment because she'd met some psychotherapist and needed to download the whole experience. Then she proceeded to bring me to my knees one minute then make me climb the walls next with sheer pain but it's already made a difference. It's supposed to be 48hrs to take full effect and apparently I'm supposed to rest at all costs for those 48hrs as I'm such a mess inside my shoulder blades. Joy. Like that's going to happen, I don't have time to rest!
So, no run today. I was hoping to take the bike out earlier but everything hurt too much so that pissed me off too! It's gonna be a sulky evening!!
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Run off the weirdness
Today was my first run in just over a week. I decided to repeat the last stage of week 2 again as I hadn't jogged for so long BUT, I stepped up the pace a fair whack. I needed to run off the general weirdness of my day. Plus I was so tired when I got in, I could have slept right there and then so I figured I needed waking up.
It was a tad chilly as I set out but didn't feel ridiculously cold. I did my warm up without incident and set off at a reasonably swift (for a giant fat blob) pace. Well, bugger me, by run number 2 my head was belting and my throat was sore from sucking in arctic air. At the halfway point, I went through the familiar phase of 'what the hell am I doing out here in the dark and the freezing blody cold?' Once again, I had to remind myself of the answer - 'I'm out here because I don't want my scales to keep saying one at a time please each time I get on to weigh.' So off I set again at said pace when I realised sadly, coming up, was A HILL. Dun dun daah! Needless to say I was wheezing like an asthmatic Darth Vader by the time I got to the top of what, in reality, is a small incline rather than the aforementioned hill. I now have full blown ice cream headache and my throat is like Ghandis flip flop and I am still a mile from home. I also need a wee due to the cold but I am hoping that dehydration will cause it to retract as weeing oneself would only be warm for a matter of seconds. The last run was actually gonig quite well until I hit an ice patch on the road I was running up and proceeded to skate (not gracefully and with full blown windmill arms) for what seemed like a mile but was probably only a foot. Thank god there were no cars at the time as I was still running on the road at that point. I got home without further incident and went to have a quick glance at the temperature on the weather station as I thought it unusual for the road to freeze that early in the evening.... -2.8! I am certifiable. Who the hell runs in the dark in -2.8????? What sort of crazy person does that?!!!
Bright side, I was trying out a new pair of trainers - Karrimoor trail running shoes. Amazing. Loved them. And they were only £26! Someone (you know who you are) said to me today that the expensive trainers were always the best. Bollocks. My other pair are Nikes, despite the wear they now have, they were never this comfortable.
Oh and the Birthday Bunny has finished his birthday donut and is now lying in the crumbs :)
It was a tad chilly as I set out but didn't feel ridiculously cold. I did my warm up without incident and set off at a reasonably swift (for a giant fat blob) pace. Well, bugger me, by run number 2 my head was belting and my throat was sore from sucking in arctic air. At the halfway point, I went through the familiar phase of 'what the hell am I doing out here in the dark and the freezing blody cold?' Once again, I had to remind myself of the answer - 'I'm out here because I don't want my scales to keep saying one at a time please each time I get on to weigh.' So off I set again at said pace when I realised sadly, coming up, was A HILL. Dun dun daah! Needless to say I was wheezing like an asthmatic Darth Vader by the time I got to the top of what, in reality, is a small incline rather than the aforementioned hill. I now have full blown ice cream headache and my throat is like Ghandis flip flop and I am still a mile from home. I also need a wee due to the cold but I am hoping that dehydration will cause it to retract as weeing oneself would only be warm for a matter of seconds. The last run was actually gonig quite well until I hit an ice patch on the road I was running up and proceeded to skate (not gracefully and with full blown windmill arms) for what seemed like a mile but was probably only a foot. Thank god there were no cars at the time as I was still running on the road at that point. I got home without further incident and went to have a quick glance at the temperature on the weather station as I thought it unusual for the road to freeze that early in the evening.... -2.8! I am certifiable. Who the hell runs in the dark in -2.8????? What sort of crazy person does that?!!!
Bright side, I was trying out a new pair of trainers - Karrimoor trail running shoes. Amazing. Loved them. And they were only £26! Someone (you know who you are) said to me today that the expensive trainers were always the best. Bollocks. My other pair are Nikes, despite the wear they now have, they were never this comfortable.
Oh and the Birthday Bunny has finished his birthday donut and is now lying in the crumbs :)
Wednesday, 23 January 2013
Snow and Silence
Well, it's been a few days since my last blog, for a number of reasons. The main reasons being
1) I lost one of the best bunnies in the world on Saturday. It was a huge shock and I was completely devastated so not really in the mood to blog.
2) There has been so much bloody snow falling here in the southwest that I have not been able to jog without physical injury such as, oooh let's think, breaking my neck on the packed ice.
So as I had nothing worthwhile to say I didn't bother! Foreign concept to most I know, shutting your mouth when nothing interesting is going to come out.
I have been spinning though, in spite of the tragic weather that forced me to do 30mph on the M5 last night. Amber had once again, had a bad day. she confessed to such too so, we were duly punished with painful endurance sessions until the charming Amber had released her rage. At one point not one of us could speak due to lack of oxygen and she sits there on her bike with her size 0 figure wanting us to smile! Bitch we can't breathe, never mind smile! I'm rather glad Adam takes the Monday class, it's like a warm up to Ambers Tuesday hell
Anyway, it is my bunnys birthday tomorrow, I should go prepare his birthday donut. Do I hide it in his morning vegetables? Or do I give it to him upon my return from work? Decisions.......
1) I lost one of the best bunnies in the world on Saturday. It was a huge shock and I was completely devastated so not really in the mood to blog.
2) There has been so much bloody snow falling here in the southwest that I have not been able to jog without physical injury such as, oooh let's think, breaking my neck on the packed ice.
So as I had nothing worthwhile to say I didn't bother! Foreign concept to most I know, shutting your mouth when nothing interesting is going to come out.
I have been spinning though, in spite of the tragic weather that forced me to do 30mph on the M5 last night. Amber had once again, had a bad day. she confessed to such too so, we were duly punished with painful endurance sessions until the charming Amber had released her rage. At one point not one of us could speak due to lack of oxygen and she sits there on her bike with her size 0 figure wanting us to smile! Bitch we can't breathe, never mind smile! I'm rather glad Adam takes the Monday class, it's like a warm up to Ambers Tuesday hell
Anyway, it is my bunnys birthday tomorrow, I should go prepare his birthday donut. Do I hide it in his morning vegetables? Or do I give it to him upon my return from work? Decisions.......
Wednesday, 16 January 2013
Level 2 Sammay
Tonight, Sammay surpassed herself and successfully completed week 2 run 1. Yay!
It was a good run, despite the fact that it was not only rush hour and everyone on the commute home could see us gasping for oxygen but, it was also bloody freezing and we were sucking in lungfuls of sub zero air. Which you would think would be quite refreshing but in actual fact it gives you ice cream headache and makes your lungs go rock solid and lose the ability to flex with required air intake. We also passed (or rather got passed by) a lot of ' real joggers' you know, people who can actually run a reasonable distance in one go, rather than 3 steps, stop and wheeze. Satisfyingly though, there was one woman who blatantly had that 'I refuse to look like I am out of breath while I pass someone' look which made us feel better!
Anyway, congratulations Sammay on hitting level 2! Big pat on the back time :-)
It was a good run, despite the fact that it was not only rush hour and everyone on the commute home could see us gasping for oxygen but, it was also bloody freezing and we were sucking in lungfuls of sub zero air. Which you would think would be quite refreshing but in actual fact it gives you ice cream headache and makes your lungs go rock solid and lose the ability to flex with required air intake. We also passed (or rather got passed by) a lot of ' real joggers' you know, people who can actually run a reasonable distance in one go, rather than 3 steps, stop and wheeze. Satisfyingly though, there was one woman who blatantly had that 'I refuse to look like I am out of breath while I pass someone' look which made us feel better!
Anyway, congratulations Sammay on hitting level 2! Big pat on the back time :-)
PMS
Well, it turns out, dear little Amber (the spinning devil) may have had a touch of pms last night. She was, I'm fairly sure, trying to kill us all. She is a crazy person. And, she wonders why none of us werre answering her.... that would be because none of us could breathe. We have all made mental notes to run away in 4 weeks time when THAT TIME comes round again.
Now, to add to my woes, the office radiator has packed up and we are all freezing. I love my life today.
Now, to add to my woes, the office radiator has packed up and we are all freezing. I love my life today.
Monday, 14 January 2013
Spinning
So, tonight was my first spin class for 3 weeks. Now, it was hard enough before when I had been going regularly but, after 3 weeks off over the Xmas period, I was dreading it. I had all these visions of the ridiculous amount of goose, mince pies, chocolate I had eaten being immediately visible via the media of muffin top, to all the skinny little bints that roll in and out of the classes as they please. Well, either the neon arrow pointing to said rolls of fat was switched off or, everyone was far too polite to point and gasp as I swallowed the bike seat.
As it happens the class was not half as bad as I expected and, I was nowhere near as hanging out of my arse as I feared I would be. Unfortunately, spin class number 2 is tomorrow with the little demon Amber. Tiny little spinning devil that sits her size 0 backside at the front, shouting words of encouragement that just translate as abuse to our overweight bodies. Yay. I can't wait.
As it happens the class was not half as bad as I expected and, I was nowhere near as hanging out of my arse as I feared I would be. Unfortunately, spin class number 2 is tomorrow with the little demon Amber. Tiny little spinning devil that sits her size 0 backside at the front, shouting words of encouragement that just translate as abuse to our overweight bodies. Yay. I can't wait.
Saturday, 12 January 2013
Frozen Lungs
So...... off I went this morning, full of life and energy (at least as full of life and energy as you can be before coffee or breakfast) to march up the road on my 5 minute warm up walk and before I knew it, I was frozen to the spot. Not only was it BALTIC cold, it was also raining and windy. It sounded and looked ok from INSIDE the house.... IT LIED. It was like jogging through a polar bears frozen piss storm. Still, at least no-one can accuse me of being a fair weather jogger (although the idea seems more than appealing after todays experience). However, I duly completed my C25K app instructions and workout, timed it beautifully that I was 2 minutes up the road from my mothers house when I finished so, in I shot for coffee! Brrrrrr!!!!
Friday, 11 January 2013
Cold!!
Can I just share how friggin' cold it is today and I am scheduled to run later this evening..... in the dark.... and the cold...... I DON'T WANT TO!!!! I will be on my last program of week 2 in C25K.... Then I have to go on to week 3 when I feel sure I will die of oxygen deprivation. Will update later, if I haven't frozen in slow animation on the side of the road somewhere........
Wednesday, 9 January 2013
Bad Habits
Well, I gotta be honest, I do sometimes catch myself doing stuff that makes me realise why I'm so lardy. I get home after my run and, with all the best intentions, nuke myself a weight watchers curry. Surprisingly, the green Thai chicken curry is really nice, unlike the usual watery disgusting low calorie crap you get. So, on my lap tray it goes and off I trot into the front room to eat whilst watching tv. Next thing I know (approximately 30 seconds later) my plate is nearly empty. Good God. How disgusting must that have looked? Shovelling my food in my face at an alarming rate! I find myself asking the same question repeatedly.... "Where is the thief?" It's not like some ninja is gonna swoop in and rob my plate from me is it? I swear I never tasted half of it either. Maybe if I learn not to be such a glutton I'll stop feeling the need to buy myself a trough!
Lardarse!
Hi! Welcome to our first Lard-Loss post!!!
In case you hadn't guessed, we are two fat joggers...... well, actually we are two fat people who are just starting to jog in an attempt NOT to be fat!
We are Steph and Sammay, we are based in Somerset and, if you are lucky enough to live there, you may see us jogging around, gasping for oxygen. Please feel free to laugh, point, gesticulate, whatever you wish. We will probably laugh too, then have to gasp even more for even more oxygen. Sammay may also vomit, depending on how far we have run..... However, she is a qualified first aider so all will not be lost if said vomiting occurs. Although, how she will first-aid herself I am not sure yet..... and CPR could be a bit of an issue.... I don't do vomit and I would have run (actually who am I kidding walked) away by then.
So, we will keep you up to date on our fat wobbling program and lard reduction progress (also any spectacular things good or bad, that we see whilst we are out). Please feel free to join us fat joggers at any point, we have different run places on different nights so, you never know, we may be wheezing past you soon! :)
In case you hadn't guessed, we are two fat joggers...... well, actually we are two fat people who are just starting to jog in an attempt NOT to be fat!
We are Steph and Sammay, we are based in Somerset and, if you are lucky enough to live there, you may see us jogging around, gasping for oxygen. Please feel free to laugh, point, gesticulate, whatever you wish. We will probably laugh too, then have to gasp even more for even more oxygen. Sammay may also vomit, depending on how far we have run..... However, she is a qualified first aider so all will not be lost if said vomiting occurs. Although, how she will first-aid herself I am not sure yet..... and CPR could be a bit of an issue.... I don't do vomit and I would have run (actually who am I kidding walked) away by then.
So, we will keep you up to date on our fat wobbling program and lard reduction progress (also any spectacular things good or bad, that we see whilst we are out). Please feel free to join us fat joggers at any point, we have different run places on different nights so, you never know, we may be wheezing past you soon! :)
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