See, now, here's the thing....... the people you see at your exercise class (whatever type you do) you tend to ONLY see at your exercise class. Except of course the friends you actually go with. I know we are all in the same boat etc etc BUT there are certain questions that you ask yourself during said class.
Tonight my brain was far more up for the exercise than my body (yeah I know, nothing new but tonight I REALLY did not wanna play) and as a result, it was working at least 50,000 times faster than my legs. So, whilst you are pouring with sweat and feeling the need for an oxygen tank and some form frontal lobotomy because you CANNOT understand why you are there, questions start to form. These were my questions tonight.....
1) Why can't my fitness instructor and those people in the class that I do not know so well, happen to bump into me somewhere and see me NOT looking like a disgusting sweaty bag of shit??? I'm not sure they would even recognise me if I wasn't in minging joggers, the colour and temperature of a cooking lobster and forming enough sweat to fill a large water butt. Seriously, I don't always look that disgusting but I'm feeling like this is almost an alter ego forming - disgusting, sweaty, rank Steph. Which leads on to my next question
2) OMG how curly has my hair gone with all this moisture? Am I frizzy yet? Do I look like I have stuck my wet fingers in a socket then leapt in a bath for good measure?
3) Why am I doing this to myself? I know I have the overwhelming desire to be thin but ffs sometimes its just not worth it. Recently Amber has dropped some pearlers onto her facebook - pain is not real it's a state of mind. Well, tell that to my freaking thighs. They are far removed from my brain and they were HURTING. She also says 'sweat is fit.' Well, fuck me, I must look like the fittest, sexiest person on gods earth at the end of the class. Now, why on earth would any sane person allow people to see them like this????
4) Is everyone else as knackered as I am? You look across at the others and of course you can't tell how sweaty and disgusting they are, if at all and they manage to smile.... bitch I can barely breathe let alone fucking smile.
5) Is my mascara all down my face? Having to go straight from work I invariably have makeup on now, I appreciate that every last scrap of foundation has been sweated off (the evidence is all over my saturated towel) BUT is my waterproof mascara actually waterproof or do I look like a chavvy panda with ink on its face?
6) If my pants get any further up my ass will anyone notice if I yank them out. Do I care if anyone notices?
7) How much of my hair dye is on the collar of my t-shirt and will it wash off? I'm not even sure how it gets to my collar but it has been known that I have gone home with a purple collar on several occasions.
8) I want to know what the time is but I'm scared to look at the clock or my watch because if it tells me we've only been here 10 minutes I think I'll just lie across my handlebars and die.
9) I go blind in my left eye when I overheat - does it look different? Can anyone notice? Does it look like I'm on drugs?
10) Is Amber on something? She's so energetic. If she is, I want some. NOW. If she's not...... well, that's just not right now is it?
So you see, spin is a very complicated thing. I have all this to concentrate on whilst also trying to make my hanging legs keep moving at whatever clinically insane pace I am told to go at.
I'm so not wanting to do spin number 3 now........ my poor tired legs :(
No comments:
Post a Comment