Well, tonight started on my way home in the car (why is there always a 40mph twat by the way? What is it about 40mph that makes certain people need to do that particular speed in a 60 zone?) when I was arguing with myself about did I go running or did I take the bike out? The bike sadly lost as to make it worth my while I need to do at least 10-15 miles and then it would be pitch dark and fricking freezing and I would be miles from home, probably knowing my luck in a force 50 gale freezing my fingers over the hoods on my handlebars. Just looking on the bright side, like.
So..... I delayed the run as long as I could justify then off I set. Today's most valuable lesson: do not run when you are hungry enough to eat a scabby donkey unless you don't mind hearing your stomach rumble over the traffic AND your earphones that are set loud enough to make your eardrums bleed. I'm not kidding I could have started the next major tectonic plate shift with my guts tonight. Fortunately for the majority of my run I am alone so I only get embarrassed for myself rather than because someone has had to get ear defenders so I can run by their house.
At this point I would like to point out that I live in a respectable area, nice little village, nice people..... except tonight I must have ran through some sort of wormhole that brought me out in a parallel universe because, as I jogged round a corner on a nice quiet little back street to the cheerful tune of Dizzee Rascal and THERE HE WAS. THE MAN. It actually made me anchor up mid stride and nearly face plant the pavement. Up ahead of me was a lone man dragging a....... wait for it....... baseball bat along in his right hand. Now, although I had anchored up in surprise I figured there was some kid up ahead somewhere who he'd been in the playing field with (in the dark of course that was likely, Steph, good thinking) so I carried on. Sadly this rapidly turned out not to be the case when said man approached a bush up ahead and suddenly turned on it and started screaming at it and pounding the shit out of it with said bat. Great. I am just about to turn around and go the other way (quickly) when I realise actually I'm quite close and he has seen me. So, now I have that nanosecond dilemma which seems to go on forever in my brain as to whether I turn round and make it obvious he has freaked me RIGHT out or, do I play it cool and brave jogging past him like he's totally normal and stable......... sadly by this time I am practically on top of him so the decision was taken away and I had to run past. It got weirder...... he stopped screaming and beating the bush as I got level with him, cleared his throat and said 'evening.' Well, that was it for me, I managed to nod and smile then had to LEG IT up the road so I could laugh my tits off. I swear I have not laughed that hard in ages.
I have GOT to stop jogging at night, I can't take much more of this, I'm gonna have a breakdown. Actually I think my shins already have as I seem to lose all feeling in them as I'm running and I feel like I'm running on my knees. Strange...........
Serious though, I appear to live in a village from a horror movie where everyone is normal during the day and turn completely psychotic at night...... wonder if it's catching?????
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