It is my utter pleasure to inform everyone that the air con is fixed in the gym. Thank God. If I had got as sweaty as I did last night again I think I may have had to employ a pressure washer upon leaving the gym.
So tonight was the third night of spin in a row, feeling a little.... um....... dead. My poor thighs are so damn rock solid that I could crush a coconut between them. Sadly, this will wear off by tomorrow and I will be back to the lardy bitch that I was before tonight. It's Amber's fault. For whatever reason she seems to feel the need to try and kill us at the moment. I had such a conversation with one of the other girls tonight, just before Adam began to crack the 'stand up and fucking pedal' whip.
There was some poor new bloke tonight, came in with the ex-Chilton gym people. Poor bastard. I don't think we will see him again. He was a tad overweight to say the least and I think he stopped pedalling more than he actually started and his friends just laughed at him. They are proper rude actually, they talk over Adam all the time and just pretty much ignore what he says. What can you learn by ignoring your instructor? Do us all a favour and piss off back to Chilton.
I'm sure my irritation added to my sweat factor too - no....wait.... that would just be my lard and the fact that I haven't actually done any running for 3 weeks now. Must pull finger out. Being a lazy bitch was what got me into this in the first place!
I did have a small realisation on Monday though, I was having a bad vertigo day and felt rough as at spin which got me thinking..... This time 18 months/2 years ago I was too poorly to even contemplate doing spin. I couldn't stand up without the use of anti vertigo drugs and my brain was trying its hardest to shut down both my legs and my right arm all at the same time. I was in and out of hospital with various appointments, clinics, physio etc and the thought of sitting on a spin bike for 45 mins 3 times a week would not have even been within my thought spectrum. It was enough effort to lift a freaking cup of coffee to my mouth! It is amazing when I look back on how my body can change its mind so quickly about what part it would like to work (or not) on any given day.
At the moment my biggest challenge is having enough dry spots on my towel to actually mop the sweat as opposed to just pushing it around my puce-coloured face and smearing my makeup all over the place. And Amber, if you are reading this, sweat is still NOT fit!
Fortunately, I have ruined the 3 in a row for next week by having the joys of the glaucoma clinic so only twice next week! *quietly celebrates*
Wednesday, 20 March 2013
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
The Stupid Stuff That Goes Through Your Head In A Spin Class
See, now, here's the thing....... the people you see at your exercise class (whatever type you do) you tend to ONLY see at your exercise class. Except of course the friends you actually go with. I know we are all in the same boat etc etc BUT there are certain questions that you ask yourself during said class.
Tonight my brain was far more up for the exercise than my body (yeah I know, nothing new but tonight I REALLY did not wanna play) and as a result, it was working at least 50,000 times faster than my legs. So, whilst you are pouring with sweat and feeling the need for an oxygen tank and some form frontal lobotomy because you CANNOT understand why you are there, questions start to form. These were my questions tonight.....
1) Why can't my fitness instructor and those people in the class that I do not know so well, happen to bump into me somewhere and see me NOT looking like a disgusting sweaty bag of shit??? I'm not sure they would even recognise me if I wasn't in minging joggers, the colour and temperature of a cooking lobster and forming enough sweat to fill a large water butt. Seriously, I don't always look that disgusting but I'm feeling like this is almost an alter ego forming - disgusting, sweaty, rank Steph. Which leads on to my next question
2) OMG how curly has my hair gone with all this moisture? Am I frizzy yet? Do I look like I have stuck my wet fingers in a socket then leapt in a bath for good measure?
3) Why am I doing this to myself? I know I have the overwhelming desire to be thin but ffs sometimes its just not worth it. Recently Amber has dropped some pearlers onto her facebook - pain is not real it's a state of mind. Well, tell that to my freaking thighs. They are far removed from my brain and they were HURTING. She also says 'sweat is fit.' Well, fuck me, I must look like the fittest, sexiest person on gods earth at the end of the class. Now, why on earth would any sane person allow people to see them like this????
4) Is everyone else as knackered as I am? You look across at the others and of course you can't tell how sweaty and disgusting they are, if at all and they manage to smile.... bitch I can barely breathe let alone fucking smile.
5) Is my mascara all down my face? Having to go straight from work I invariably have makeup on now, I appreciate that every last scrap of foundation has been sweated off (the evidence is all over my saturated towel) BUT is my waterproof mascara actually waterproof or do I look like a chavvy panda with ink on its face?
6) If my pants get any further up my ass will anyone notice if I yank them out. Do I care if anyone notices?
7) How much of my hair dye is on the collar of my t-shirt and will it wash off? I'm not even sure how it gets to my collar but it has been known that I have gone home with a purple collar on several occasions.
8) I want to know what the time is but I'm scared to look at the clock or my watch because if it tells me we've only been here 10 minutes I think I'll just lie across my handlebars and die.
9) I go blind in my left eye when I overheat - does it look different? Can anyone notice? Does it look like I'm on drugs?
10) Is Amber on something? She's so energetic. If she is, I want some. NOW. If she's not...... well, that's just not right now is it?
So you see, spin is a very complicated thing. I have all this to concentrate on whilst also trying to make my hanging legs keep moving at whatever clinically insane pace I am told to go at.
I'm so not wanting to do spin number 3 now........ my poor tired legs :(
Tonight my brain was far more up for the exercise than my body (yeah I know, nothing new but tonight I REALLY did not wanna play) and as a result, it was working at least 50,000 times faster than my legs. So, whilst you are pouring with sweat and feeling the need for an oxygen tank and some form frontal lobotomy because you CANNOT understand why you are there, questions start to form. These were my questions tonight.....
1) Why can't my fitness instructor and those people in the class that I do not know so well, happen to bump into me somewhere and see me NOT looking like a disgusting sweaty bag of shit??? I'm not sure they would even recognise me if I wasn't in minging joggers, the colour and temperature of a cooking lobster and forming enough sweat to fill a large water butt. Seriously, I don't always look that disgusting but I'm feeling like this is almost an alter ego forming - disgusting, sweaty, rank Steph. Which leads on to my next question
2) OMG how curly has my hair gone with all this moisture? Am I frizzy yet? Do I look like I have stuck my wet fingers in a socket then leapt in a bath for good measure?
3) Why am I doing this to myself? I know I have the overwhelming desire to be thin but ffs sometimes its just not worth it. Recently Amber has dropped some pearlers onto her facebook - pain is not real it's a state of mind. Well, tell that to my freaking thighs. They are far removed from my brain and they were HURTING. She also says 'sweat is fit.' Well, fuck me, I must look like the fittest, sexiest person on gods earth at the end of the class. Now, why on earth would any sane person allow people to see them like this????
4) Is everyone else as knackered as I am? You look across at the others and of course you can't tell how sweaty and disgusting they are, if at all and they manage to smile.... bitch I can barely breathe let alone fucking smile.
5) Is my mascara all down my face? Having to go straight from work I invariably have makeup on now, I appreciate that every last scrap of foundation has been sweated off (the evidence is all over my saturated towel) BUT is my waterproof mascara actually waterproof or do I look like a chavvy panda with ink on its face?
6) If my pants get any further up my ass will anyone notice if I yank them out. Do I care if anyone notices?
7) How much of my hair dye is on the collar of my t-shirt and will it wash off? I'm not even sure how it gets to my collar but it has been known that I have gone home with a purple collar on several occasions.
8) I want to know what the time is but I'm scared to look at the clock or my watch because if it tells me we've only been here 10 minutes I think I'll just lie across my handlebars and die.
9) I go blind in my left eye when I overheat - does it look different? Can anyone notice? Does it look like I'm on drugs?
10) Is Amber on something? She's so energetic. If she is, I want some. NOW. If she's not...... well, that's just not right now is it?
So you see, spin is a very complicated thing. I have all this to concentrate on whilst also trying to make my hanging legs keep moving at whatever clinically insane pace I am told to go at.
I'm so not wanting to do spin number 3 now........ my poor tired legs :(
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)